From Jun 30, 2008

Somehow the words escape me.  I just wrote two short blogs, one after another, trying to convey this thankfulness.

It is the darkest part of life that defines the contrast between darkness (sadness, fear, anger, violence) and light (love, laughter, joy, happiness).

As much as I’ve not personally experienced much darkness, I can still bear witness to the most horrific places on the dark end of the spectrum.  I know how bad it can be.  Naively and blessedly, I am forever grateful that this lifetime of mine falls more upon the light side of this spectrum.  I have always had a knack for silver linings.

From Jun 18, 2008

I had an unusual experience driving home from work yesterday.

I’m sitting on 8th Avenue, waiting for a light to turn green. I hear a man screaming as loud as he can, hooting and hollering. Singing, if you will. Serenading.

“Well that’s a bit odd,” I think to myself.

Sort of peeking around, I see no pedestrians staring up at a balcony, with no swooning girl looking down at him in bewilderment.

I see no ragged beggars on the corners seeking attention. No Jehovah’s Witness men on bicycles touting Jehovah’s Word. No jousting actors fighting for a dramatic end.

“This hooter and hollerer must be a driver,” I conclude. I mean, what other logical explanation is there?

To my astonishment, it WAS a driver. And as he drove past me, I realized he was hooting and hollering at me.

Blood rushed to my cheeks even in the ninety degree weather. He’s looking at me, driving next to me shouting, “You’re BEAUTIFUL! I love you! I love beautiful people!!!!”

Certainly I’m not the only person to have noticed this odd behavior. Everyone is now checking me out as they pass me.

He continued to holler at me as 8th Avenue dumped into 6th. He weaved in and out of traffic to prove his masculine ability to drive like a crazy (in love) man.

Finally, I gasped for air and realized I had been holding my breath when he exited 6th on Wadsworth. I had been nervous that he was going to crash demonstrating how beautiful I am to him.

*blows the manic/drunk/weird guy kisses goodbye*

From Jun 14, 2008

I dreamt of passion and love.
I dreamt of being someone’s one and only.
I dreamt of love letters and kisses.

I dreamt of long conversations and being his best friend.
I dreamt of being longed for.
I dreamt of happily ever after, even if it’s not about marriage.

From Jun 11, 2008

Isn’t it odd that you can feel bad, express that you feel bad, and then you feel better?

Maybe that’s just a woman thing, but I’m working on communicating my feelings.  I’m working on being honest with myself and with others.  I know when it’s appropriate to bite my tongue, and now I’m working on not biting when it’s appropriate for me to express myself.

As much as one would think you should, at 28 years old, know how to communicate humbly and yet confidently, I am still learning.  Thankfully, we never stop learning.  It feels good to know that I’m maturing emotionally as well as physically, mentally, and spiritually.

From Jun 10, 2008

Dripping exhaustion, I have to go to bed early.

Emotions are dreadfully tiring. Today was exceptionally emotional. I have a trigger, and apparently it was pulled, and I cried for a good part of the day. Silent tears attract little attention. Wasn’t looking to attract attention.

I am not sure if this is just emotions enhanced by my hormones (which it is), or if I’m just moving from the blues to something worse.

Sunshine and time in my garden… talking on the phone for a bit with a girlfriend…it made it better a little. Now I just need to sleep.