From Jul 30, 2008
She loves peanut butter, camping, hostessing, kittens, her boyfriend, sunshine, dryer sheets, mint leaves, her family, homemade ice cream, Jaguars, big dangly earrings, her step-kids, indoor plumbing, reservoirs, fireworks, and blogging.
From Jul 29, 2008
So, this is a little weird, in my opinion.
I’m a registered voter. You can see my party affiliation right there on my driver’s license.
I suppose you don’t have to register, but if you’re not registered, you cannot participate in the caucus. And the caucus is what helps determine which of your party’s candidates will be in the official election.
You don’t have to vote in the caucus. For instance, in my situation, I didn’t particularly prefer one of the candidates in my party over another. I just knew I was voting by my party.
Well, I just got the official “Jefferson County My Party Election Ballot” and it’s a mail in ballot (where I have to pay for postage) or I can just fill it out and drop it off at a designated drop off location for free.
My only problem is that the only people on this ballot (which is not for the Presidential election, only the local elected officials such as the Senators, one of the representatives, the Board of Education, the Regent of the State college, DA’s, etc.) are the people from my party!
Fine, fine, fine. I’d probably only vote for my party anyway… but still! How is this voting where there is only ONE candidate per position, and only ONE party on the ballot?
That’s not voting!!!
So, what do I do?
I fill it out, because I want MY vote to count.
*sigh* This game is bullshit.
From Jul 29, 2008
I need to vent, and I invite your responses that may be as brutal and blunt to me as I will be in the following blog. I need your feedback. Please, give me something that will help me understand and empathize.
I think suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do.
It’s the lazy way out, and it only leaves behind hurt and suffering of those who need you.
Just because you don’t feel like you’re needed doesn’t mean you’re not. To not see this is to FAIL to take responsibility for yourself and your life.
I get that there is such a thing as an emotional hurt or pain so deep that one would rather die than to bear it. I understand that. I also believe that no one is too weak to tolerate it and get through– and work on using that huge energy towards something that would really make things better.
I’m a fighter. I know I’m not the same as a lot of other people. Does that hold me to standards other than what someone who is weak is held to? Does the amount of your responsibilities make you more or less accountable for taking your own life?
Ugh. It makes me angry. Furious. I want to lash out at the person who would just as easily take their own life. I want to stomp and scream and walk away.
Those are my own emotions. I own them.
Still, somehow, I know that in the field I want to go into, I will have to learn to deal with it.
From Jul 13, 2008
My new mantra: “Make life more simple.”
I was cleaning the bedroom yesterday. As I was looking at all the clutter everywhere, I kept repeating this to myself.
Making life simple translates into being clean. Simple clean means less clutter. If I can get rid of something, then I will!
It’s a very slow process. I’m collecting things to put into the Good Will box.
Wine bottles.
Trinkets.
Picture frames.
Buddha figures.
Penis-handled coffee mugs. (will they even take this?)
Things I just don’t really truly need.
Makes me smile.
From Jul 13, 2008
The kids will not leave me alone.
They keep talking to me. And asking me questions.
And they keep saying, “Ash?” and then when I respond, “What?”
They pause and say, “Um.”
And they forget what they were going to say.
*sigh*
Crawling on me, tapping me, pestering me.
“Ash?”
“Ash?”
“Ash?”
“Aaaaaaash?”
Everything that they do is accompanied with their talking noises. They say out loud EVERYTHING that they think. They talk just to hear themselves talk. This is a cardinal difference between them and me in my childhood; perhaps that’s because I was raised as an only child.
My inner monologue was perfected very early in life.
“Ash?”
I just want to wake up slowly, in quiet. The kids, the 200 pound dogs barreling through the house, the trash strewn all over the floor because the dogs got into the trash…
“Ash?”
*grin*
Where’s my coffee?