From Sep 24, 2008

• First grade is really measuring a parent’s ability to parent.  It’s not about how smart the child is, it’s about how much time the parent spends teaching, disciplining, how well they feed the child, how much time is spent talking with the child.  Don’t let it fool you.  It’s not the kid’s performance they’re grading at all.  It’s the parents.  Reality check! *check*

• I’ve recently remembered why I love Autumn.  I dread it yearly because every day is one day closer to winter.  I can’t stand that it gets darker earlier each day.  I need sunshine!  Warmth!  Skimpy clothes!  Alas, there are many reasons to love this season even if it’s mildly depressing:  Readily available sunrises and sunsets.  Cute sweaters. Butternut bisque soup.  Those are all things I really love.  Oh, and I love Halloween.  And pumpkin pie. And…

• Auto Pilot is a useful tool.  It’s important for more than one reason: First, it gives you the opportunity to STOP THINKING.  Second, it allows you to multi-task more easily. Don’t be afraid of it.  Embrace it.

• Menstruation has taught me… that some things absolutely CANNOT wait.  It doesn’t matter how important what you’re doing Right This Minute.  Menstruation happens and you must stop whatever you are doing now, and change gears.  Or tampons.

• Being a step-parent has taught me significant amounts of patience.  Note the difference:  Two or three years ago, i.e. in General Chemistry, I would stay late after taking an exam– up to an hour or more– so that I could have the instant gratification of knowing what my grade was.  Now, I don’t really care to stay.  I need to get home.  And do things like laundry.  And my homework.  And the kids’ homework.  And cook dinner.  And clean the catbox.  And love on the kittehs.  And spend time with my honey.  And… the exam will be the same grade in five days as it will be today.

From Sep 21, 2008

The smoke screen is being presented as though the government is stepping in and buying up the bad debts with the incentive that they will sell these debts once the market improves.

The problem is that it’s not the US government buying up these bad debts at all– it’s the Federal Reserve, which is NOT part of the US government. The Federal Reserve is an independently-owned bank that does not have to answer to the US government.

Additionally, what are these bad debts?  They are properties that people have foreclosed on, homes and land that people–who were never qualified in the first place to purchase–called home.  Once their loans went bad (i.e. their interest rates skyrocketed), they were forced to give up the property, and now many of these homes sit abandoned because very few are buying.  Because these bad loans are so numerous, there are several very LARGE banks who are struggling because when a debtor cannot pay on their loan, and the housing market is crumbling, the equity in a home is meaningless. Buyers lose what they were never qualified to buy, lenders lose because there are millions of dollars never collected, properties lose because without an occupant the properties degrade, and now we’re forced to watch the value of our dollar crash into the ground ala 1930’s style Great Depression.  What to do? What to do?

The government steps in an acquires control over these privately owned banks.

And in a drastic measure to prevent the stock market from free-falling, GW and his advisors propose the buy-up of bad debts.  What this means in layman terms is that the Federal Reserve is buying American property for pennies on the dollar.   And who provides the capital for this purchase?  The American public does through a $700 BILLION dollar tax.   Brilliant!!!!

Let’s get the Americans to fund the sale of this property– essentially we’re liquidating our land because we obviously were never qualified to purchase it in the first place!  Hooray!

Now the secretary of the treasury is pressing Congress to quickly approve this bill, using fear tactics comparing this situation to the crisis of the Great Depression.  Act now, because if you don’t, the crash of the US dollar will be on your OWN heads.  Don’t evaluate, don’t mince words, just pass it.

In the mean time, the American public– consisting of mostly middle class socioeconomic voters who are dramatically affected by this bailout– are bemused by the smoke screen of political bullshit.  Does any one else find it even the minutest bit interesting that the Republican party had elected McCain to do its bidding, and then as soon as McCain announces his VP selection, it is no longer a race between McCain and Obama, it’s now about Palin versus Obama?  Might as well write McCain off now.  He has a young, attractive WOMAN (You all wanted a woman president, right? Does it really matter which woman it is? Be fundamentally evolved!  Vote woman!) who is doing his campaigning now.  Never mind what she stands for.

Another smoke screen we’ve got distracting us is a matter of race.  I recognize that there are a significant number of Americans who are still clinging to their hate-based values.  I recognize that race is a matter of contention world-wide.  I recognize that there are a significant number of people who would allow a black man into presidency over their dead bodies… But will we as voters (assuming our votes mean anything) truly allow something as non-pertinent as race cloud our decisions?  Honestly?  As much as the haters might like to disagree, race does not make a person any more than gender.  Yes, it’s a factor; yes, it’s a social issue; but it simply doesn’t dictate how a person handles foreign or economic policy. It doesn’t determine religious views or social values.  I know, I know, my dear hater-fellow-Americans, this seems counterintuitive, but…

We might as well have jello wrestling to distract us.  It’s titillating.  You can get worked up over it.  It’s meaningful.

*sigh*

It’s really no wonder things are coming down to this.  Democracy is brilliant in theory, but it’s not what we have here.  What we have here is a democratic republic– one where the people, who are encouraged to participate, are so easily distractable–cracked out on fast-paced television, high-adrenaline triggering media, titillating celebrity gossip, and instantly gratifying processed foods–that they won’t stop to think for themselves.  Much easier to go back to “what we’ve always known” about God and black people and politics…

Yes, I’m critical.  Yes I’m pointing fingers and casting blame.  And if you can honestly say you’ve sat down and thought about these issues, then my finger is obviously not pointing towards you.  But, if the lipstick fits…

From Sep 10, 2008

I suppose now is the time in my life where I’m beginning to really recognize the things that happen in my body.  I’ve spent the last two years familiarizing myself with my cycle, and now am focused on recognizing anxiety for what it is.  It’s an amazing process, but it seems as though my recognition and acknowledgment is cutting back on the time I feel uncomfortable from it.

And any decrease in anxiety is fabulous as far as I’m concerned.

I’m somewhat surprised at the level of anxiety I experienced during the DNC.  The connection was extremely noticable when it dipped following the end of the convention.  I’m also beginning to identify my adrenaline as the cause for feeling shakey when I catch myself falling asleep.  First, I begin to notice my arm is asleep.  Then my body very quickly becomes tingly.  And as a natural response to desiring to keep myself from feeling that (to keep myself from falling asleep), my body releases a surge of adrenaline– which naturally leads to anxiety and even panic.  Acknowledging that the shakey feeling is adrenaline and not my heart racing has had a huge impact on the frequency of actually freaking out right before I fall asleep.  Bravo for the recognition!

Also, if I’m feeling antsy, I’ve learned that it’s probably that my stomach hurts– so I take a couple of Tums, and wah-lah, now I’m ready for sleep.  Interesting– because I don’t even notice that my tummy hurts until after I take the Tums and it feels better.  Crazy how that works.

I’m also becoming aware of my triggers while driving.  For a long time, I thought that my problems while driving were an indication that there was something wrong with my car.  Suddenly the steering wheel would feel “loose,” the tires more wobbly, and there was some sort of barely detectable smell wafting from my engine.  Since I’ve begun recognizing and acknowledging my anxiety, suddenly my car works fine.  Isn’t that crazy how that works?

Unfortunately, sometimes acknowledgment of my anxiety turns into focusing on it.  Which turns on more anxiety.  Before I know it, I can’t breathe, and I’m possibly going to pass out while driving. Or working.  Or…

The key is to recognize the physical symptoms and then move on.  Can’t say to myself, “Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic,” because that only makes me feel more panicky.  Instead, I need to just say, “Oh, that’s anxiety I’m feeling.”  And then I must let it go.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is to say that at 28 years old, I’m finally figuring myself out physically.  It’s about goddamn time.

From Sep 6, 2008

Grocery Shopping: I know, you’re thinking, okay you freakin weirdo… but I really do love it.  It means that I’m employed and can provide for my family.  And I like picking out all the stuff I’m going to put in my belly.  I’m a big fan.

Home Grown Cucumbers: and tomatoes, tomatillos, raspberries, green beans, lettuce, chard… and one day I’m gonna love me some home grown watermelons and butternut squash.

My Herb Garden: Not only do I feel extra witchy because I have cat mint, apple mint, lemon thyme, rosemary, two kinds of sage, yarrow, and verbina, but it’s also super cool to eat these extra yummy things of bliss.

Doing Laundry: Again with the freakin weirdo bit.  I know, it’s just that I get to pick out the kids’ clothes, and I get to provide for my family this way.  Plus I’m a super stain fighting extraordinare, and it is just one more thing I’m able to be proud of.

School & Homework: Yunno, speaking of being proud, I’m proud of myself.  I bust my ass, and the whole school thing pays off.

Camping: I get to be out there in the elements, we have a canopy that protects us from the rain, and campfire cooking is unbeatable.  Here’s an awesome pic of us last weekend:

And one of the campfire the night before:

*drool*  Mmm chicken and peach cobbler… yesh.

Bathroom Remodels: Do you have any idea how awesome it is to get the pea-green bathtub and BLACK tile out?

It’s hard to tell the color in this picture… but that tub really is the color of split pea soup.  For realz.  Hooray, I did a little dance when they carried that bizitch out.

And look at the old ugly counter tops:

And now see my magnificent new tile countertops!!!

Aren’t they ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL????  And did you notice the super rad fixture???

Yesh… This countertop in here used to be spring green.  Not to be confused with the pea green of the bathtub.

My Neighbors!!!: If it wasn’t for Jon’s master work, we’d still have yucky yucky crazy colors.

My Honey: We’re totally a perfect match.  I *heart* him endlessly.

My Freakin Kitty: Oh this little monster is sweet.  And cute.  And he likes to ensure that I receive no sleep whatsoever.

Homemade Green Chile: It’s that time of year again.  We bought fourteen bushels today, and we’re going to eat like royalty for the next year.  Hopefully it lasts us that long.

Uncluttering: It seems like the more we get rid of, the happier I feel!

Billie Jean the Spider: She’s grown fat on all the flies… and we feed her flies we’ve killed in the house.  She is totally better than any exterminator.

My Job: I love working for Children’s.  Seriously, it’s the best job I’ve ever had.  It’s challenging, and it’s stressful, and it pushes me to my limits.  And it’s also setting me up for the most perfect, beautiful opportunity to get into Med School.  I love working there!

I think this list could go on.  I may have to continue it later.  However, my honey beckons me.  I must leave you now.

From Sep 3, 2008

Holy Jeez.

Things are certainly picking up in both volume and enjoyment.

We took our final camping trip for the year this Labor Day weekend, and it was a great time.  Went with a co-worker and her friends & family, and we seriously laughed our butts off at least a handful of times.  That’s muy bueno.

My honey has a new job that he loves (hooray!) and it seems like it’s going to be an absolutely perfect catch.   He has to be to work at seven, which means that now I get to take the kids to school.  This is pretty cool– mostly because I know a number of the people there and I get to sort of feel like I have an ‘IN’ there.  I ran into my favorite high school English teacher there just yesterday.  She’s now the 8th grade literature teacher, and it’s neat to catch up a bit… We exchanged our “You look fabulous!” and “How are you’s?” and I can’t wait to run into her again.  Also, my dearest Amber H has in-laws who teach there and she ran into Kora’s kindergarten teacher at church this last Sunday.  Yeah, we’re cool, we’ve got in’s and yada yada… this stuff was important back in the day.  I’m just glad to know it’s a good school they’re going to.

School is awesomely awesome.  I’m sooooo stoked to be able to finish this BA up this year.  I might just do it just to get it done.  Hmmm.  Wonder if I might get a raise associated with the new letters behind my name.  That’d be pretty rad.  I love my classes… The Legacy of Arts & Letters class is super interesting: politics, religion, social norms, culture… that’s damn near everything I think is fun to talk about!! The statistic class, while totally boring material, is made fun because my teacher is silly and cracks the most off-humor jokes you could think of.  I love it when a teacher really makes an effort to entertain us.  And lastly, my Research Methods class is taught by a teacher whom I’ve already taken for a few classes over the last year, and I’m excited to work with him once again.  I know his style and appreciate his personality.  All of my classes are enjoyable, and I’m stoked for this semester to be completed!

Work is really busy lately, and I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that.  I’m much happier when I’m constantly busy.  I looooove my job… it’s everything I could possibly desire, and since I’ve been in jobs that I’ve HATED, I’m sure to count my blessings every day.  That’s sort of how it goes.  You have to really appreciate the good stuff once you’ve got it.  It seems like that’s a law of this life: You go through the experiences until you learn what it is you want and don’t want, and then you have to sort of mold your life into what it is that you want.  Then, having had multiple experiences of what you DON’T want, you learn to appreciate the things you have that you DO want.

It’s all about the contrast, right?