From Jul 22, 2009

I’m back.

To begin with, I am EVER so grateful for my dear friend, El, who so beautifully guest posted here.  I am so pleased to have gotten to know such a lovely, beautiful, and interesting woman such as her.  She’s quickly become one of my best friends, and every single day I think of new and exciting ways that she enhances my life.   If she wasn’t so real, I’d think I made her up.

Which, I suppose, I very well could have.  Except that I didn’t have internet access while I was up on the hippie mountain.  Thank freaking Goddess.

So, about Dreamtime.

Imagine a sudden tent village of happy hippies.  Where everyone gives you blessings and beauty and it’s perfectly normal to bow your head in greeting, introduce yourself with a hug, wear loin cloths for fun, visit didgeridoo chakra cleansing meditative blindfolded workshops, and wander around in the weeds after dark.

And that pretty much sums it up.

We met some very awesome folks, whom we invited to camp with us.  And they will be our friends for a life time, I’m certain.  The highlights of the adventure were the drum & flute & vocals jam we all had together one day.  And the conversations were amazing.

The time I spent with Landon was WONDERFUL.  He’s absolutely my best friend (one of many, but the one I’m closest with).   I can’t wait until next year.  Random pictures to come later.

From Jul 11, 2009

It’s very difficult to write with children talking.

Hell, I find it difficult to write when there’s another person in the room.  My heart is so full of things to say, though.  I think plugging in this here iPod might make things easier.  As long as there are no children talking on it, then I think I’ll be alright.

So, where do I begin? …

I could give you an update.  But updates are rather boring.  To answer your questions, yes the garden is growing nicely, the kids are doing wonderfully, my honey is perhaps the most considerate and thoughtful person I’ve ever known, and I’m almost done with school.  Those are the things that are constants, and they’re terribly stable at the moment.

And I’m happy.  I am really, truly happy.  There are some not very happy things that have happened last week.  And I’ve cried more in the last week than I have in the entire last year.  And though I’ve cried and have felt afraid, I still have a strange serenity and a very obvious underlying sense of joy and hope.  There has to be hope.  It’s like taking a candle into a dark room.  Eventually, your eyes adjust and it doesn’t seem so dark and scary.   It’s ominous, yet you realize that the monsters in your closet are still conquerable.  They are still mortals.  And there’s no reason at all that I, or the ones I love, can’t beat them.

Cheers to Hope.  To Life and Living.  Cheers to Conquering the tasks that are placed before us, and coming back changed in a positive way.  Cheers to friendships and the people who make life worth it.  Cheers to the calm place we come to when we’ve exhausted all other options and know that where we are RIGHT NOW is exactly where we need to be.

From Jul 1, 2009

I think I’ve found it.  Eureeka!

Some folks write autobiographies of their past.

I wonder what happens when you write one of your future?!!?

I have to tell you something.

You’re not going to necessarily like what I have to say, but I have to say it because if you do not hear it from me, you may never hear it.

You have got to stop having problems.  I know it sounds crazy, especially because you’ve never thought about things this way.  Yes, it IS within your control.  I’m not saying you “asked” for these troubles.  I’m not saying that you “deserve” all of them.  However, I do believe that life happens perfectly and that every problem you survive not only makes you tougher, it also makes you smarter.  If you allow yourself to learn from it.

If everything continues to hurt, and you are constantly putting out there that these things hurt, you will only attract your attention to experiencing more hurt.  The truth is that we all hurt sometimes.  It’s sucky at the time, especially if you’re entirely consumed by it.  It becomes less sucky as you move forward, though.  But you will never move forward until you stop holding onto what hurts.

What it comes down to is that every person feels pain sometimes.  Sometimes every person feels pain a lot.  The difference between someone who always talks about it, who is in utter misery, and someone who relishes life is that those who relish it do not allow themselves to spend more time focusing on it than those who do not.

From Jan 24, 2009

It’s cold again today.  We were spoiled with three days in a row of more than 70 degrees, and now were back down below freezing.  Such is the pains and joys of living in such a wonderfully strange state such as Colorado.

I sat outside, wrapped in blankets, watching five squirrels in the neighbors’ yards across the street.

I was both surprised and pleased when I caught myself not thinking about it, and just watching.

Sometimes those few moments are what remind me that I can be centered and quieted.