From Aug 25, 2009

“I’ve got a golden ticket, la la la la laaaaah la. ”

We’re sort of in a holding pattern.  We’re waiting for the doors to open, and we suspect that we know the vesicle in which we will ride.  There are big things happening, but there’s no point in harvesting the ideas before they’ve hatched.

I’m thinking a lot about my next step(s).  My future is being filled with semi-permeable plans.  So many avenues.  And there’s really nothing that can stop me from doing what I’m going to do– the effort is there, the path is there, and the bravery to go without a flashlight is turned on.

But… what’s next?

The sky is the limit, really.  I can do whatever I want.  In the mean time, I’m bracing myself for the party I’m about to throw.  It should be very good.  I’m excited!

Then?  Well…

I’ve got plans made almost a week in advance.  Living day to day is nice.

From Aug 25, 2009

“Maybe you just need a real writer to write your book for you.”

Granted, this woman has likely never read anything I’ve ever written.  I let it roll off my skin as though it wasn’t her intention to pierce me that way.  I figured, “how can one judge if they’ve never experienced it?”

And in many facets, I realize there’s no point in being hurt by assumptions from folks who merely think they know you.  It’s pointless energy being spent.

But goddammit.

From Jul 24, 2009

My house is my secret hideaway, the place I go to curl up and feel safe.  I’m eager to embrace my comfort zone on a more permanent basis.  Must find a way to work from home.

I suspect that my golden ticket has already been purchased.

News last night that makes all of the worries seem so small.

My psychic friend said it might come at the new moon.

I was ready.  Prepared.  Not sure I believed it when I heard it.  But I’m still comfortable with the magical.  It could be.

and if it’s not, what’s the difference?  living in a state of awe has no dependence upon the all of the no’s you must wade through before you find yourself cuddled with a yes.

From Jul 10, 2009

This life is gloriously confusing and twitterpating.  All at once.

I am beginning to contemplate the many wonderful things I desire this experience to look like.  Because there have been so many before me, and so many surrounding me, I have a massive catalog of things I might look for at my fingertips.

If this life is a painting, I am the painter.   One of the most beautiful things I’ve recently learned is that we should never die with our song still in our heart.  Thank you, Dr. Dyer.   There is much to be done, much to be experienced, and much to give.

I *do* want to give.  I want to give off a vibration that is lovely and energizing to the ones I encounter.  I want my words to touch hearts and to give a perspective that will change things for the better.  I want to spread the ideas of hope and joy to anyone who is willing to read it.  So much… So much to share.  I want to show myself and everyone else just how easily this life comes to me.  I want to BE these things.  I think, in a way, I already am.

Acting as though everything I could possibly needs or want from this life is already mine is a beautiful experience.  Nay-sayers attribute it to delusions, but those with hope attribute it to attitude.  Knowing that this lovely life is already mine changes ME for the better.  It gives me permission to exude love and awe– because after all, that is what this time is for.  I could just as easily choose sadness and negativity.  Instead, I want to feel good.

Another point I’ve recently learned is that there is no amount of suffering I can go through that will make it better for someone else who is suffering.  I think that’s something that we all forget some days.

From Jul 2, 2009

Because my energy is climbing, I have discovered it is necessary to shed some of the behaviors that have been holding me back; as well, I will be gaining new behaviors that will propel me upwards.

Immediate intentions (between now and the end of July):

1. Ending my attachment to nicotine and cigarettes.
2. Choosing caffeine less often.
3. Running around the reservoir with my iPod.
4. Dancing whenever I can.
5. Being proactive while employed at the hospital.
6. Writing a minimum of two pages of the project every day.
7. Finishing up my bachelor’s degree.
8. Finding a nearby yoga home.
9. Discovering a nearby belly dancing class, for free.
10. Visiting the local library and borrowing audio books.
11. Figuring out the theme for the newest site.

Following the immediate:

1. Participate in the presentation of our home, inside and out.
2. Explore further educational options.
3. Replace Landon’s broken friendship bracelet with one that is shiny and new.
4. Make several trips to the thrift store… to drop stuff off.
5. Begin putting together a database with herbs and their uses and descriptions and… everything.
6. Drive traffic to the newest site.
7. Finish writing my first project.  Offer it on my new site.
8. Compile a list of other project ideas.
9. Create my BOS, and put together hand bound books.