From Dec 27, 2008

Today I focus on my beautiful, warm, happy, healthy, loving, calm and safe home.  I focus my energy on learning a smooth and focused ability to play my piano.  I focus my energy on being able to paint you a picture with my words.  I focus my energy on achieving my goals, allowing for challenges and continuing to plow through them with ease and delight.  I create a clean environment, free of clutter and easy on the eyes.  I focus my energy on my warm and affectionate partner in this life.  I focus my energy on raising two brilliant and amazing children.  I focus my energy on attracting people cut from the same cloth as we are.  I focus my energy on the comfort of sleep, and the entertainment from the fellow little creatures we provide for in this home.  I focus my energy on blessings and ritual.  I focus my energy on my reliable car that gets me from here to my job easily.

My life is beautiful.  It is easy, and energetic. It’s fruitful and aware. And there is plenty of time to get everything done that I desire.

From Nov 26, 2008

These are things I may or may not want to do/be/think:

• I want to be smarter.  On so many levels. The only way to do this is to keep on learning.
• I think I may want to stop cussing.  The only problem with that is that I love the word “Fuck.”
• I want to live more consciously. What does this mean?
• I want to reconnect with my self-worth.  Giving myself something to be prideful over.
• I want to have plenty of time for my self growth.
• I want to write more inspiring pieces.  Maybe have a little more focus to my work.  Right now I just jump around to those things I’m thinking or interested in at the moment… I dunno, maybe I like my dynamism.
• I want to shape up my positive attitude.  More focus on what I desire, less on what I don’t.
• I want to eat more naturally.
• I want to have more magic in my life.
• I want to be of healthy body, mind, and spirit.
• I want to see the stars more.
• I want to be more in tune with my intuition.
• I want to be present.

From Nov 22, 2008

I’ve been dreaming of Apogaea lately.

Only it’s different people in my dream– and they’re all more calm, more spiritual, more grown up.

Less techno music, fewer hard core drugs…

Maybe it’s not Apo at all.  Maybe it’s DreamTime, or perhaps a festival I’ve never been to; maybe it’s Dragonfest.

This morning, I dreamt I was dancing in the rain.  The people around me were setting up their idols, their camps… It began to rain.  Big fat drops came down slowly, as though the Mother was preparing her festival, too.  My arms upraised, I gave thanks that she provided something to quench our thirst.

It was beautiful.

I think this last year I almost forgot to give thanks.  I almost forgot to soak in every moment.

But even amidst the craziness that was this last year, I haven’t lost it.  I haven’t lost my gratitude.  My utter awe for this planet and how we interact here upon it.

I’d like to participate in some more rituals.  Some dancing in the rain.  Some candle lighting, sage burning, circle drawing… I’d like to reconnect with my spirit again.

I think faith is like that– we sometimes stray.  We sometimes get so caught up in the chaos that is our lives and forget to be thankful.  We lose connection, but only for a moment, because that intense draw from our soul doesn’t forget.  Our soul never forgets.

From Jun 14, 2008

I dreamt of passion and love.
I dreamt of being someone’s one and only.
I dreamt of love letters and kisses.

I dreamt of long conversations and being his best friend.
I dreamt of being longed for.
I dreamt of happily ever after, even if it’s not about marriage.