From Jul 11, 2009

It’s very difficult to write with children talking.

Hell, I find it difficult to write when there’s another person in the room.  My heart is so full of things to say, though.  I think plugging in this here iPod might make things easier.  As long as there are no children talking on it, then I think I’ll be alright.

So, where do I begin? …

I could give you an update.  But updates are rather boring.  To answer your questions, yes the garden is growing nicely, the kids are doing wonderfully, my honey is perhaps the most considerate and thoughtful person I’ve ever known, and I’m almost done with school.  Those are the things that are constants, and they’re terribly stable at the moment.

And I’m happy.  I am really, truly happy.  There are some not very happy things that have happened last week.  And I’ve cried more in the last week than I have in the entire last year.  And though I’ve cried and have felt afraid, I still have a strange serenity and a very obvious underlying sense of joy and hope.  There has to be hope.  It’s like taking a candle into a dark room.  Eventually, your eyes adjust and it doesn’t seem so dark and scary.   It’s ominous, yet you realize that the monsters in your closet are still conquerable.  They are still mortals.  And there’s no reason at all that I, or the ones I love, can’t beat them.

Cheers to Hope.  To Life and Living.  Cheers to Conquering the tasks that are placed before us, and coming back changed in a positive way.  Cheers to friendships and the people who make life worth it.  Cheers to the calm place we come to when we’ve exhausted all other options and know that where we are RIGHT NOW is exactly where we need to be.