From Jul 15, 2009

If thoughts become things, then worry is a negative prayer.

It has all the elements of a prayer– the emotion, the energy, the focus.

I mustn’t worry.

My BFF was diagnosed with breast cancer last week.  Instead of worrying, I must focus on the energy of healing and health.

It’s not easy.  Especially when emotions are involved.

However… it’s the only option.  Attitude changes the lens through which we see life.  I can choose a positive, healthful perspective, or I can take a frightened, helpless perspective.

So, I choose… well, duh.  I choose a healthful, hope-filled, faithful attitude.

I need to be reminded here, too.   Emotion makes all things rational fade into the horizon.  Yet… I’m not an overly emotional person.  I can be cheerful about this, even…

Sometimes there aren’t any words.

Sometimes there’s just positive healing energy.

That’s what *I* can do.  I have that within my control.

In the mean time, you can do the same.  Please send positive energy her way.  I need you to do this.

From Jul 11, 2009

It’s very difficult to write with children talking.

Hell, I find it difficult to write when there’s another person in the room.  My heart is so full of things to say, though.  I think plugging in this here iPod might make things easier.  As long as there are no children talking on it, then I think I’ll be alright.

So, where do I begin? …

I could give you an update.  But updates are rather boring.  To answer your questions, yes the garden is growing nicely, the kids are doing wonderfully, my honey is perhaps the most considerate and thoughtful person I’ve ever known, and I’m almost done with school.  Those are the things that are constants, and they’re terribly stable at the moment.

And I’m happy.  I am really, truly happy.  There are some not very happy things that have happened last week.  And I’ve cried more in the last week than I have in the entire last year.  And though I’ve cried and have felt afraid, I still have a strange serenity and a very obvious underlying sense of joy and hope.  There has to be hope.  It’s like taking a candle into a dark room.  Eventually, your eyes adjust and it doesn’t seem so dark and scary.   It’s ominous, yet you realize that the monsters in your closet are still conquerable.  They are still mortals.  And there’s no reason at all that I, or the ones I love, can’t beat them.

Cheers to Hope.  To Life and Living.  Cheers to Conquering the tasks that are placed before us, and coming back changed in a positive way.  Cheers to friendships and the people who make life worth it.  Cheers to the calm place we come to when we’ve exhausted all other options and know that where we are RIGHT NOW is exactly where we need to be.

From Jul 10, 2009

This life is gloriously confusing and twitterpating.  All at once.

I am beginning to contemplate the many wonderful things I desire this experience to look like.  Because there have been so many before me, and so many surrounding me, I have a massive catalog of things I might look for at my fingertips.

If this life is a painting, I am the painter.   One of the most beautiful things I’ve recently learned is that we should never die with our song still in our heart.  Thank you, Dr. Dyer.   There is much to be done, much to be experienced, and much to give.

I *do* want to give.  I want to give off a vibration that is lovely and energizing to the ones I encounter.  I want my words to touch hearts and to give a perspective that will change things for the better.  I want to spread the ideas of hope and joy to anyone who is willing to read it.  So much… So much to share.  I want to show myself and everyone else just how easily this life comes to me.  I want to BE these things.  I think, in a way, I already am.

Acting as though everything I could possibly needs or want from this life is already mine is a beautiful experience.  Nay-sayers attribute it to delusions, but those with hope attribute it to attitude.  Knowing that this lovely life is already mine changes ME for the better.  It gives me permission to exude love and awe– because after all, that is what this time is for.  I could just as easily choose sadness and negativity.  Instead, I want to feel good.

Another point I’ve recently learned is that there is no amount of suffering I can go through that will make it better for someone else who is suffering.  I think that’s something that we all forget some days.

From Jul 9, 2009

What. A. Week.

It’s been a particularly rough one, though over all I do believe I’m faring rather well.

One of my favorite people in the universe, my BFF, was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Less than 24 hours later, my cousin-in-law passed away at the age of twenty-one, from leukemia.  If there was no other message to me (which there weren’t, there were many), it was that I can’t continue smoking.  I get this.  I have noted the signs.  Roger that, no more necessary hints…

One thing is for certain.  I intend on giving my BFF as much laughter and positive energy as she needs in order to know she’s going to get through this.  I believe that miracles are directly related to laughter.  I also know that with faith and hope and joy, anything is possible.  A friend of mine has a cousin, who was diagnosed with grade four ovarian cancer who, against all odds, beat cancer in fewer than six months.

Every one of these people is my age or younger.  I am reminded of the temporary nature of our experience here on earth.  I’m also reminded not to take for granted any of my relationships.  I am truly blessed with amazing friendships that fulfill my life so completely.

Once upon a time, death was only a fairy tale.  Now I understand that it’s an integral part of life.  Instead of feeling calloused, though… I feel very blessed.  Each day is a new opportunity.

From Jul 2, 2009

Because my energy is climbing, I have discovered it is necessary to shed some of the behaviors that have been holding me back; as well, I will be gaining new behaviors that will propel me upwards.

Immediate intentions (between now and the end of July):

1. Ending my attachment to nicotine and cigarettes.
2. Choosing caffeine less often.
3. Running around the reservoir with my iPod.
4. Dancing whenever I can.
5. Being proactive while employed at the hospital.
6. Writing a minimum of two pages of the project every day.
7. Finishing up my bachelor’s degree.
8. Finding a nearby yoga home.
9. Discovering a nearby belly dancing class, for free.
10. Visiting the local library and borrowing audio books.
11. Figuring out the theme for the newest site.

Following the immediate:

1. Participate in the presentation of our home, inside and out.
2. Explore further educational options.
3. Replace Landon’s broken friendship bracelet with one that is shiny and new.
4. Make several trips to the thrift store… to drop stuff off.
5. Begin putting together a database with herbs and their uses and descriptions and… everything.
6. Drive traffic to the newest site.
7. Finish writing my first project.  Offer it on my new site.
8. Compile a list of other project ideas.
9. Create my BOS, and put together hand bound books.