From Dec 20, 2008

I have had very little time to myself to sit and think.  Let alone to sit and write.

There’s a constant buzz and I’m concerned that I’ve temporarily lost myself.  How can I be that sexy beautiful creature I pride myself to being when I cannot think?  Ha ha ha.

Step-parenting is a lot of work.  I think it may be even more of a challenge when you go from having no children to having someone else’s children, because if you are a parent and you have your own children, you at least go through the process of carrying the child, getting used to the idea of having a baby, then the birth and infancy and all those crazy things I’m just as happy about skipping.

The thing is that this is the perfect avenue for me to be along.  I didn’t want to be pregnant or give birth to my own.  I get all the benefits of parenting without having to have gone through all of the hard parts.

Except that I’m still trying to figure it out.  I s’pose parents don’t know everything, and they, TOO, are only trying to figure things out.  And maybe I have more patience than parents because I’m fresh meat.  I don’t know where my lines or limits necessarily are, though,  except for those I’ve intended prior to placing myself into a parenting role.  Those that I had observed in others and either confirmed or denied my agreement with them… But those mean nothing until you have children.

I’m working on figuring out a few key behavioral problems.  Like how to make a child listen or do what you tell them to within a few minutes of you telling them to.

I know, it’s a big chunk to swallow.

I guess the key is consistency.  It’s sort of difficult to be consistent when you are unsure of yourself.

It’s sort of difficult to be sure of yourself if you have no clue what you’re doing.

But I *do* sort of have a clue.  I have a clue in that I’m text-book educated.  I’ve got the experience in that I’m around kids quite a bit, and I helped raise my ten-year younger brother…  I am very good with the kids, and that’s gotta be some sort of indication of having a clue, isn’t it?!

Whether or not I have a clue is probably a subjective question.  What I do know is this: I love these kids and love parenting them.  At the same time, and with the equal quality of passion, I miss my own time and the ability to think.

It gets easier to think after a few years, doesn’t it?

I’m just thrilled that we have such a great relationship with the kids’ mom and that we play the switch every week plan.  Because a week on/week off is a very beneficial arrangement for those of us who need a break once a week.